Hockey is Back, Damn Us.

Hockey is back.

I’m not that old, and yet this is the third time I’ve been able to say that at the wrong time of year. And like many hockey fans, I’m rip-snorting mad at pinhead billionaire owners and whiny, spoiled millionaire players, and, yes, I feel there is a very real need to throw Gary Bettman in front of the Zamboni.

I am an angry hockey fan, yes. But I’m angriest at myself because I don’t know if I can fully turn my back on the players and owners who do not deserve my support, interest, or money.

I’d like to make the same statement many groups are trying to make. Boycott. But they’re not going far enough. Some say don’t go to the first game, some say go to the first game but don’t cheer for the first period. Like this will make any difference?

Let’s be clear. Hockey owners are suits. They are businessmen whose sole reason to exist is to accumulate wealth. They don’t care about you.

Hockey players are spoiled athletes with barely a high school education who have been told for years that they deserve to make more than firefighters and surgeons because they play for a living. They don’t care about you.

The only way anything will change in the NHL is if we all walk away. Not for a period, not for a day. For good. Make ‘em beg to have us back until they lower prices, make it about the little guy again, and close down the ten teams located the furthest south geographically (and the Leafs, for good measure).

But this won’t happen.

Because we’re Canadian, and we’re sad.

Because most of us have been hard-wired for hockey since we were babies.

I want to boycott. I want to start getting my sport fix from soccer. I want to turn away forever. I just don’t think I can.

Give me two weeks to cool off and start thinking about Saturday nights watching the game with my kids, and, well, I know I’m weak. Why can’t I quit you, Ron MacLean?

2012 in Music

Well, I’m a little late on this, but since they’re just getting rolling out there in awards season land, I figure I can still sneak in my review of the best music of the past year. This is the list of music that I listened to this year, the great, the good, and the okay. I don’t put anything out and out bad on here, so don’t talk to me about Jack White or Rihanna or Linkin Park, okay? So, the best music of 2012.

The Best Album of 2012

Oceania by Smashing Pumpkins

I’m as surprised as you are. Billy Corgan has been pulling an Axil Rose for the past decade. From breaking up his band twice, to taking out an ad in a Chicago paper declaring that they would reunite, to whatever the hell Zwan was, to last year’s 42-song online free Teargarden by Kaleidyscope (11 songs of which were actually released), to these massive box set remasterings of their 90s vintage, to this, an album featuring only him of the original SP line-up. And it’s fantastic. Some of the best guitar work and arranging he has ever done, crafty songwriting. It had all the makings of an unmitigated failure, and it turned out to be one of the greatest SP releases ever.

Choice track: “Chimera”

Honourable Mention 1

Some Nights by fun.

I listened to a surprising amount of pop this year (more of a rock man, me), but there was some good stuff, and this was the best of it. A friend put me on this band, and to my surprise I was more than hooked, I was overwhelmed. What a voice! And then the pervading family motif through the whole album makes you think that, yes, sometimes people still actually write songs.

Choice track: “Some Nights” is the best song released this year. If you have the album version and you’re a parent, you may have my creative methods in drowning out the one F-bomb as you listen to this track incessantly.

Honourable Mention 2

Clockwork Angels by Rush

These guys just don’t let up. They still rock hard after nearly forty years, when most of their peers have gone over to easy listening. That they can create some of the best prog/rock going, putting it together on a steampunk concept album with a novelization tie-in just goes to show that they are the smartest and most talented hard rock band going. Way to crown it all with a long-overdue Hall of Fame induction, fellas.

Choice track: “Headlong Flight”

Honourable Mention 3

The 2nd Law by Muse

Even though my band had been playing “Uprising” for three years, it’s taken me until this album to get into this band, but I’ve really been making up for lost time. This is a brilliant album, but if you’re like me and new to them—because apparently we North Americans have not yet realized that this is the greatest band in the world—do check out their past couple. Superb. These guys blend touches of Radiohead, U2, Queen, and Pink Floyd to create a very un-2012 sound, yet they’re not afraid to mix in the technology.

Choice track: “Madness”

Honourable Mention 4

looking for an accomplice by Aaron Krogman

The best entry from a really rich indy music scene this year. Gentle and thoughtful, singer/songwriter Krogman studies common themes—loss of love and life, aging—from self-aware and fresh angles. It’s guitar and voice, yes, but there is some stellar arranging on this, adding just the right touches of added vocals, full band, orchestration, fiddle, banjo, and anything else suited. Grab it at: http://aaronkrogman.bandcamp.com/

Choice track: “Stay Soft”

Honourable Mention 5

The Sheepdogs by The Sheepdogs

Well, they done did it. Last year the Saskatonians made headlines for making a cover, not music. Even though they released a good album, it was hard to hear through all the hype. Was it all just flash? Was there any follow-through? This LP shows that these furry fellas are for real, and their swamp rock sound has matured into its own sound, rather than “it’s just like [insert 70s band name here].” They have proven to be bigger than their origin.

Choice track: “The Way It Is”

The Rest of the Good

Making Mirrors by Gotye

Looks like it’s a one-hit wonder, and the song that started your year shows no sign of abating on the radio or at the mall. However, it means a great pop album will be forgotten in the wake. Worth a full listen.

Choice track: Actually, go get Kimbra’s “Settle Down.” She’s the lady that makes “Somebody I Used to Know” a duet.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Original Soundtrack by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Though not quite the caliber of their Oscar Winning The Social Network soundtrack, Reznor and Ross continue to create some of the best electronic ambiance going. It’s cool when Nine Inch Nails grow old.

Choice track: “Immigrant Song”

Dead Silence by Billy Talent

I cannot believe this band. Rock solid. And if you think it’s just power-chord punk, why don’t you go make your fingers and brain break and try to learn to play one of their songs. They have so much pluck that chickens avoid them by forty miles.

Choice track: “Viking Death March” got me in on name alone.

Away From Here by The Dave Matthews Band

After a decade and a half, these guys reinvented themselves in with their 2009 release Big Whiskey and the GrooGux King, probably their best album since Crash. This set the stage for a bright future. Does Away From Here live up to the potential? Well, it’s not as mind-blowing, but just okay DMB is still better than 90% of everything else out there.

Choice track: “Gaucho”

Babel by Mumford & Sons

When you release one of the best albums of the decade, and you single-handedly revive the folk music scene, your follow-up is guaranteed heavy scrutiny. Babel is good because it sounds a lot like Sigh No More, but with more stand out tracks and less end to end killer. However, they’ve taken a lot of undeserved flack for the consistency of their sound, so here’s hoping #3 either raises the bar, or people recall how many other bands have been rehashing themselves forever. I mean, AC DC . . .

Choice track: “Below My Feet,” but be sure to check out the cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer.”

Now For Plan A by The Tragically Hip

I spent August rediscovering these guys, walking in the great music of my youth, but also with their latest albums. Plan A came at just the right time. They still have it.

Choice track: “At Transformation,” but don’t miss the live version of “Grace, Too” from a Calgary show. Gord Downie is the best improve storyteller in Canadian music.  

. . . Thank You and I’m Sorry by the Trews

I love this band, though their latest release Hope and Ruin fell short of past glories. Apparently this EP is to tide us over until their next album. If that’s the case, they should only release EPs, it’s that good. But what blows me away is one song, an instant classic.

Choice track: “. . . And We Are the Trews.” A band road song culminating in two minutes of shout-outs to the best in modern Canadian music, including all those Gordies.

King Animal by Soundgarden

After all the hype, all the waiting, it came out pretty well. It was exactly what they promised, pretty much sounding like Soundgarden did when they broke up in 1996. Kim Thayil appears to be the most excited to be going again, the guitar riffs being the indication. But why would you leave your best song off the album?

Choice track: “Non-State Actor”

Celebration Day by Led Zeppelin

This live cut of their one-off reunion at the O2 Arena is already five years old, so it’s hardly news. What makes it so surprisingly brilliant though, is after thirty years of aborted and failed quasi-reunions, this one comes the closest to Zep returning to grandeur of old.

Choice track: “Nobody’s Fault But Mine”

Which Side Are You On by Ani DiFranco

She continues to write unabashedly political songs and rip the hell out of a guitar on it in the meantime. The title track is a no-holds-barred dance on the grave of the Republican dream.

Choice track: “Which Side Are You On?”

Americana and Psychedelic Dream by Neil Young and Crazy Horse

Had Pill not have been released later in the year, I’d have been right pissed at Mr. Young, new book or no new book. I didn’t need a whole album of American folk favorites, even though “God Save the Queen” was alright. Thank God he harnessed the Horse and set about noodling in his signature plink-a-plink for several 10+ minute songs.

Choice track: “Driftin’ Back”

Cabin Fever by Corb Lund

It didn’t convert me. I just don’t like much country, even Lund’s thinking-man variety. But this will be a crowd pleaser at parties of varied cliques.

Choice track: “Gravedigger”

ⁱUno!, ⁱDos! and ⁱTre! by Green Day

Did we need Green Day to release three albums this year and then for Billie Joe Armstrong to flip out on stage, cancel a tour and go back into rehab? No. Green Day makes great music, but it all sounds pretty similar, and so I haven’t been able to get these down and really decide what’s killer and what’s filler. One great album in here, for sure. However, the choice track is one of their best recordings ever.

Choice track: “Oh Love.”

Songs Not Albums

In a year of great albums, I found myself downloading a lot of great music, but not whole albums. This is rare for me. I mean, I needed to get “Gangnam Style” for the kids, right? Anyway, here’s a short list of the stand out single releases or songs that didn’t warrant me buying the album this year.

“Faultline Blues” by Sam Roberts

“Inside Out (Acoustic)” by Eve 6

“Stick It Out” by Florence + the Machine

“Midnight City” by M83

“Abraham’s Daughter” by Arcade Fire

“Live to Rise” by Soundgarden

Booklist 2012

(Jan 1—March 19)

1.       Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess

2.       Pearl Jam Place/Date by Charles Peterson and Lance Mercer

3.       That One by Dianna-Marie Stolz

4.       Who Are You: The Life of Pete Townshend by Mark Wilkenson

5.       Running by John Stanton

6.       How to Write by Derek Beaulieu

7.       Great Bastards of History by Juré Fiorillo

8.       A Good Man by Guy Vanderhaeghe

9.       Hark! A Vagrant by Kate Beaton

10.   Foundation by Isaac Asimov

11.   The Norse Myths by Kevin Crossley-Holland

12.   Imaginative Writing by Janet Burroway

13.   The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

14.   Foundation and Empire by Isaac Asimov

15.   Hammer of the Gods: The Led Zeppelin Saga by Stephen Davis

(March 20-June 21)

16.   Barbarian Rites by Hans-Petter Hasenfratz

17.   The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

18.   The Art of Fiction by John Gardner

19.   The Poets’ Corner by John Lithgow

20.   Aztec by Gary Jennings

21.   Hotel Edonda Mountain by Keith Forrest and Mitch Goertz

22.   The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

23.   On the Road by Jack Keroauc

24.   Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut

25.   Kill Shakespeare by Conor McReery

26.   Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor

27.   Close to the Edge: The Story of Yes by Chris Welch

28.   Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett

(June 22-Sept 20)

29.   The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs

30.   A Brighter Discontent by Anna Kristina Schultz

31.   The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

32.   Work Book by Steven Heighton

33.   Death of Kings by Bernard Cornwell

34.   Walking in This World by Julia Cameron

35.   Savages by Don Winslow

36.   11/22/63 by Stephen King

37.   Dzur by Steven Brust

38.   Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

39.   The Bishop’s Man by Linden MacIntyre

(Sept 20-Dec 31)

40.   Clockwork Angels by Kevin J. Anderson

41.   Jhegaala by Steven Brust

42.   Beautiful Trouble  by Andrew Boyd

43.   Hunter S. Thompson by Jay Cowan

44.   On Moral Fiction by John Gardner

45.   Frankenstein, Or the Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley

46.   The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes

47.   Ortona by Mark Zuehlke

48.   Stories by Anton Chekhov

49.   Iorich by Steven Brust

50.   Azincourt by Bernard Cornwell

Christmas. Like all big problems, it's a gender thing.

     Today is the day I choose to officially recognize that Christmas is coming, that the onslaught of capitalism at its worst, that a calendar packed to bursting with Christmas events, that mounds and mounds of rich, inexplicably unhealthy food are all unavoidable.
     Contrary to what people think of me up until today, I actually love Christmas. AT Christmas.
     Some of you agree with my view of today, some will say that I'm at least a month behind in my comfort and joy, and still others will scoff that it's not even December 23rd yet, what's all this Christmas nonsense?
     It's all a matter of choice, but of late I've taken note that the debate over the so-called Christmas Creep--no, not Uncle Ernie, the tendency of businesses to drop the flag on the season earlier and earlier every year--has intensified. And, as with most good fights, it's a he said/she said sorta deal.
     The whole thing is just a front on which a battle of the sexes is being fought. Men feel one way about the season that 'tis, women another. It's almost to a rule. Don't worry, though, I'm not going to bore you with silly things like data and research, instead I'll just supply anecdotes from my own marriage, the Internet, and radio.
     As all things evil usually do, this one starts at Wal-Mart. That bastion of the capitalist overindulgence, that new American church, that great teat at which the cheap and the self-hating choose to suckle, it's where you'll see the demand that Christmas start in November. Oh, and also at Tim Hortons, that bastion of blue collar Canadian-ness. These are the two businesses at which you are GUARANTEED to see Christmas decorations and specials on November 1st. For them, Labour Day to March 18 is pretty much a steady stream of theme days and decorations.
     There's always a bit of dissension, though it's usually just delivered with a shrug. This year, it got so vocal that Shoppers Drug Mart actually postponed playing Christmas carols for a while. The revolution works! Well, it worked for pre-teen November, but it seems that nothing can stop the tinsel once Remembrance Day has been given its half-hearted due. (Maybe they should start giving poppy-shaped coupons at Best Buy to awaken interest.)
     There are people who say the more Christmas the better, and the sooner. They put up their trees as they take down their Jack O Lanterns, they wear reindeer sweaters with poppies on them, they start being nicer in line ups because the season is all up on us, even thought they haven't even changed their clocks from Daylight Savings yet. These people, it appears, are mostly women.
     Then there are those who curse at the sight of any combination of green and red, who refuse to discuss holiday plans before Grey Cup, and feel that doing any Christmas shopping prior to December 21st would be stupid because maybe, just maybe, the Mayans were right--why risk it? These, as I've discovered, are men.
     I am a man. I do like Christmas, a lot. I just like it when it's supposed to be.
     So, in our defence:
     We like Christmas. Many of us even love it. Christmas Day is one of the most magical days of the year, and a few (myself) even love Christmas Eve--I actually prefer it; foreplay is sometimes better than fulfillment. But, Chaysis, have you never heard that great things are best in small doses? You don't do it with chocolate and wine, you tell us not to do it with beer and chicken wings, so why is it okay to gag ourselves, to gorge ourselves on Christmas?
     Through November--one of my favorite months--I'm often called a grinch or a scrooge because I don't think Christmas should start to ease in until today, which is still 24 days early. I get called out? Really? Wal-Mart and Starbucks are telling you peace and good will and you think it comes from their sincerity?
     Please. Can Christmas just be at Christmas? The word "special" is not a synonym for "pervasive." Most men really do love Christmas, but we love having it to look forward to. It loses its good when drawn out.
     In parting, consider: when my wife finds as song she likes, she can listen to it over and over again. I've never understood that. I prefer to listen to a whole album, appreciating the lead-up to an especially stand-out track, and the proper hangover when it has passed, looking back fondly at a good moment, rather than trying to squeeze every last bit of joy out of it until you've just got a rind.

Can We Stop Bullying?

Can we or can't we? Best be realistic about what it is first.

     Because I always post on the first of the month, I've been wondering if my intended topic for today would still be, well, topical come November 1st. I think it's fair to wonder, when you consider how quickly things become wildfires on the web, and then just as quickly become old news. Remember Kony 2012? (Pay attention to the news Nov. 17th, by the way).
     Fact is, when something gets public notice, two groups of people speak up very quickly. The first are those who hate anything popular (you'll recognize them for their biting comments on music based on judgement made of the fans rather than of the music's own merit). They hate anything a lot of people--especially people they consider dumber than themselves--like. "It's not the cause I hate . . ." Then there's the second group, the cynics, the folks who say "Well, actually" to any idea presented anywhere, at any time. Their input serves as a distraction, as confusion. Nothing helpful. They're the Apple Maps on the iPhone of life.
     So I waited a few weeks and I am surprised and energized to note that people from the media to the water cooler are still talking about Amanda Todd, about her suicide, about cyber-bullying, and about that age-old question of how we stop bullying at all.
     Young Amanda Todd, an insecure teenager, someone looking to fit in and looking to be loved, made the mistake of exposing herself on the Internet. There are those who have well, actually-ed her mistake. Apparently, they were never young, they were never insecure, and they were never capable of a judgement error. She made a YouTube video crying for help and lashing out at her tormentors. The bullying worsened. She took her own life. Her story has been discussed and debated, her tormentors were (or were not--that one didn't make sense to me) exposed online. The Well, Actually faction started asking why everyone cared now. Where were you when she was alive and asking for help? What about all the kids being bullied right now?
     There they had a point.
     I work in a school, and this has been a constant issue this month. Much of the discussion has been aimed at how we can stop bullying. Can bullying be stopped? To decide on that, I think we maturely need to consider what bullying is.
     As simply as I have heard it defined, bullying is when you judge the faults of someone else, and act upon those judgements. It can be expressing this verbally and physically, and usually to a third party or parties. Making someone else feel bad because of what you judge to be wrong in them. It helps you deal with your own insecurities, because you fear your own bullies or--and this is most often the case--because you truly feel you're better than them.
     One of the results of Amanda Todd's suicide that has bothered me the most is the focus on schools and kids' use of social media. Basically, this has isolated bullying to the one place and the one virtual place where kids spend most of their week. This ignores how big bullying is. Limiting it to the confines of Another Teen Movie underestimates it, and makes it appear as if bullying could be wiped out because it's contained; this is especially how it sounds when well-intentioned adults and media bleeding hearts get involved. "We can step in and save these kids from the mess they've created from themselves." Crap.
     Ever heard a dude make fun of another dude in the change room at the gym? Ever see a co-worker reprimanded by the boss in front of everyone? Ever seen a rich aunt or uncle lord it over the rest of your family? Ever see someone mocked by his buddies for going to church? Or a family at church sitting by themselves after the service because they're new converts? Ever been at a staff function where a group of co-workers form their own faction? Ever seen a husband or wife speaking for their spouse in public? Ever complained about a socially-awkward friend of yours behind his back?
     Of course.
     Bullying is human behaviour. It's insecurity and judgement expressed by treading on the insecurities of others. Bullying is not a kid thing or a school thing. It's everywhere.
     The other issue that has risen is adults coming out and declaring that they were bullied in school, like it's some great revelation-party at the expense of one family's grief. This isn't a hidden shame, or homosexuality; this is bullying, and given the definition as I stretch it above, we've all suffered it at one time or another.
     Before you light a torch and come after me, let me amend that last statement. Yes, we've all suffered bullying, and we all still do every day. But it comes in degrees. Some of us build defences to deal with what we can. Some, like Amanda Todd, run out of places to run.
     The difference for us in 2012 can be seen by just looking at a comments section following an online article, or the thread of conversation following any disagreement on Facebook or Twitter. We are much more comfortable saying rotten things to and about each other when doing it online, and even better if we can be anonymous. I don't like to declare that the world is a worse place than it once was, but I will say that we treat each other worse with greater speed and greater fervour. Bullying has become easier and nastier.
     I won't avoid the question of whether bullying can be stopped, but I will not answer firmly with yes or no. I will answer with the tip of the solutionary wedge. I believe bullying can be lessened. I believe we can step away from the slippery slope above which we are now perched. However, to do so requires internal changes, not schools or work-places enforcing zero-tolerance policies and saying "good enough." Though it may make bullying less public, it's just bullying the bullies. Our beliefs and behaviours need to change.
    At the risk of sounding like a hippie--and who cares, it's better than the alternative--the change has to start with you. You can't expect bullying to lessen or even go away if you refuse to stop judging and expressing your judgements  You as a single person must choose to cease your bullying behaviour. You must actively try to stop yourself from judging, mocking, critiquing, and scoffing.
     So can we stop bullying? It depends on whether you just judged, mocked, critiqued, or scoffed.

   

Art, Censorship, and Bills That Make You Wonder

So, here’s my question: what is the purpose of art?

“Art is the means by which an artist comes to see.”—John Gardner

“I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit.”―Kurt Vonnegut

“Popular art is the dream of society; it does not examine itself.”—Margaret Atwood

“The role of art is not to express the personality but to overcome it.”—T.S. Eliot

“The artist is not a person endowed with free will who seeks his own ends, but one who allows art to realize its purpose within him.”—Carl Jung

“Art's whatever you choose to frame.”—Fleur Adcock

“Art is our chief means of breaking bread with the dead.”—W. H. Auden

                I am an artist and I am an educator. I suppose not in that order. My vocations blend at some times and conflict at others. I struggle with the concept of censorship. The artist in me is saying that what I am doing is expressing the human condition, it’s holding up a mirror to existence so that we may better assess it, it’s inspiring the living by pointing out the truth of life, it’s entertainment.

                Sounds high-fallootin’, doesn’t it?

                As a teacher, I attempt to lead young people to question, assess, decide, and to think. To do this right, I need to challenge them, to draw them out of their comfort zones.

                Both art and education expose their “audiences” to the challenging, the uncomfortable. Hiding from what makes you exposes your fears and weaknesses only ceases your development as a human being. Someone who does not know the world cannot know himself.

                Alberta’s teachers are currently suffering the constraints placed on them by the recently-passed Bill 44, which allows students to opt out of lessons that they or their parents (mostly their parents) find offend their religion, their sexual orientation, or their fear of having to think about either. The fight is underway, and far from over, because if it is assumed—

-that teachers think of their students first,

                -that is, that we intend them no harm,

                -that we don’t intend to make them atheists (or not),

                -that we don’t intend to make them gay (or not),

                -that we don’t intend to make them evil (or . . . not),

                -that the texts we use in teaching are valid because they challenge them as thinkers,

—then Bill 44 serves absolutely no purpose because there’s nothing in the curriculum to protect kids from.

                Of course, opportunists—those with the best or the worst intentions—will see this as the time to impose their own ideologies on the masses. Religion has a way of sticking it nose in. So do noses on the front of busybodies.

                I put this topic to a group of young artists who are also my students. Writing class. All girls if it matters. I asked them when censorship should be applied to art. They were vehemently against it at first, for fear that stifles creative expression.

                So, swearing on the radio is okay?

                Well, no, But they bleep the swears out.

                Oh? I can’t listen to my favorite Calgary radio station when my kids are in the car because the DJs are so crude.

                They granted me that one. However, that’s public consumption. Art, something you choose to take in—film, photography, literature—that shouldn’t be censored.

                What if it’s in school and there is no choice? Better yet, what about when the chosen art is pornography? Racist? Abusive? What about how if you make an album but swear once on it then your career is doomed because Wal-Mart won’t carry it?

                When you ask yourself what art is, you get a subjective answer. For me, porn is not art. For Ron Jeremy . . . okay, bad example, but there’s someone who would try to justify it, I’m sure. When we say that we must allow all art to thrive so it may challenge our thinkers, you open the door to S and M, to stupid anti-Islam films, to reality TV.

                Bill 44 is stupid and limiting and born out of right-right-wing fear mongering. It forgets the purpose of studying texts in the classroom, the purpose of art. Censorship in the classroom limits the ability of the teacher to teach. Censorship in art stifles creativity. Yet, the fact is that there is a line for all of us at some point.

                What makes me uptight may be fine by you. Or not.

War of 1812 Canadian? That's a Stretch

BNA generals, adept at dying despite winning.

I’m teaching a Canadian History and Culture class for immigrants and international students. It’s one of my favorite lessons: the War of 1812.

                Assuming that my audience know nothing about the war—fair as most Canadians know nothing about the war—I start off with a question. In pedagogical lingo, this is known as an icebreaker. I guess it means the same thing in all lingos for when you’re intending to start something.

                “Does anyone know why the White House is white?”

                They look at me, at each other, sensitive to the likely trick nature of the question. Don’t answer with the obvious. . . . Is this a race thing?

                “Because,” I say, “a group from British North America—Canada someday—attacked Washington, lit it on fire, and burned a substantial portion of the president’s house. When it was repaired, it was painted white: the White House.”

                They give me that mistrusting look that tells me that they are waiting for the punch line.

                “No really.” I tell them about Napoleon, about British raids on North American merchant ships, about American retaliation against the nearest British colony: the Canadas. I tell them about the American attack on York (Toronto). I tell them about Johnny Horton and “The Battle of New Orleans.”

                I tell them about how Major General Issac Brock led the British forces to victory in repelling the Americans, but was mortally wounded in doing so, following General Wolfe in that proud BNA tradition of dying in victory on Canadian soil. Canadian generals would only learn to survive their triumphs when they started commanding overseas.

                They don’t know what to make of all this. Is he serious? People from CANADA burned down the White House? Canada. Seriously. The place where people say “Excuse me” when they fart by themselves?

                “Well, no,” I correct, holding up a correctional finger in that way that says what I’m saying now is important and the rest of the lesson is just chaff. “It wasn’t Canada. Canada proper wouldn’t exist for 55 years. But neat story, eh?”

                Then I play them the Arrogant Worms' “The War of 1812,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ety2FEHQgwM I point out the nod to Horton’s song, which was about the rest of the war, a war that would last another three years, inspire the lyrics to “The Star Spangled Banner,” and end in either a stalemate or an American victory, depending what country published the history book you read.

                I teach it because it's fun, not because it's especially Canadian.

                The historian in me loves that the Canadian Government has chosen to recognize the bi-centennial of the War of 1812. The historian in me also approves of the prime minister’s whacky little quest to find the Franklin Expedition. However, the Canadian in me shrugs and says we shouldn’t try to make the War of 1812+ into something it wasn’t, and maybe you should get off that icebreaker and back to work, sir.

                In taking a war—a war fought by the British, with a victory in the north, but overall a pretty much a loss—and making it out to be a major turning point in our history is too much like Americanizing our history for me. As with the Plains of Abraham, the significance was really on the eventual Canada. The Americans have created myths and heroes out of their history, usually with some tremendous embellishment. It’s a mistake for us to do the same, to try to create some sort of false gods so we can all feel proud at the sake of facts. That’s just not Canadian.

                At the risk of being too Canadian—sarcastic, self- and nationally-deprecating—let me say I do feel strongly about the effect later battles had on us as a nation. Much of our Canadianness, our non-Britishness, came at places like Vimy, and in the days afterward when the Canadian Corps fought under the command of the unlikely General Arthur Currie. There were battles that contributed to our national identity, sure, but Canada is a nation affected by war, not defined by it. I think that’s one of the most important differences between us and U.S.

                So if you’re interested in history, by all means learn a little about the war of 1812 (thru ’15). There’s a great government website currently dedicated to it. http://1812.gc.ca/eng/1305654894724 Learn about Issac Brock, Tecumseh, Laura Secord, and, yes, the burning of the White House. But don’t feel that guilty lack of patriotism if you’re a Canadian and this story is news to you. There are far more important—and more Canadian—things to make your maple-leaf tattoo swell with a burning need to cheer and then apologize for the noise. (Gold in swimming at the Paralympics—woot!)