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| If this surprises you, you better be a brand new immigrant from Thailand. |
Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter go buck-nucking-futs with images of "the view from my window this morning, swell" or "the view from my car this morning, great" or "the view of people digging out their cars, gotta love Canada." Angsty declarations of how horribly unfair the world is abound. One in every twenty of your friends quips about how much they miss it (NOT!) and post the view from the beach they're currently sitting on somewhere . . . and yet the only thing they're surfing is the Internet.
S'Canada. It snows here.
Suck it the hell up.
Every year I spend the winter listening to people gripe about a season that takes up half of our year and 99% of our cultural identity.
"Getting pretty sick of winter," he says just after Thanksgiving.
"This is nuts," she says, scraping her windshield.
"I can't believe this," he opines, when it snows in a month that is winter, spring, or fall in a country that is not straddling the equator.
You can't believe that we got a blizzard in March? That it can happen in April, May, or even June? Huh. Where'd I put that Willy Wonka meme . . .
Listen, I'm sorry that your ancestors figured this was a better place to live than wherever they came from. If the Bering Land Bridge Theory is accurate, every single person on this continent is in the same boat. It might just be time for you to deal with the fact that you live where winter is, and it doesn't pay attention to dates. I'm a believer in climate change, and for a decade we've seen later, more temperate falls, winters that hold on longer, wilder storms, more snow. It happens. Stop treating snow like it's a four letter word, stop whining for six straight months, stop shopping for real estate in Victoria.
This country gets winter. We also have free health care, great education, a sparse population, and relatively little pollution. I'm in such a good mood today that I'll even ignore a long commentary about how our various Conservative governments are hell-bent on undoing all of the above.
It's time for you to embrace winter.
I'm sorry your car got stuck. Build a snowman.
I'm sorry you have to shovel again. It's great exercise. Afterwards, why don't you get bundled up and go for a walk in that haunting winter evening light. It's like therapy.
I'm sorry the highway is a mess. Slow down.
I'm sorry that snow covers everything. Have you noticed any cockroaches, packs of wild dogs, or mounds of maggoty-garbage? No? That's because winter is Nature's broom.
Having lived and traveled in many places where they don't get winter, I have a great appreciation for the good it does. Hell, if nothing else than for the euphoria of springtime.
It's time to stop wishing for an earthquake to hit your friends in Vancouver. It's time to stop blowing $3000 you don't have on a week in Mexico.
It's time for you to see the good in winter, you Canuck knucklehead.
Snowboard, cross country ski, snowshoe, build a fire. Hell, pick a snowball fight with that irritating neighbor's kid. Stop and look at the savage beauty around you for a second. Your landscape changes from the top down. Frequently. Try to view this as remarkable rather than just getting on your knees and praying to the Chinook gods--if you are so blessed.
Stop spending six months whining, moaning, and cocooning yourself on your couch, surrounded by chips, chocolate, and reality TV. Stop only exercising when you can wear shorts outdoors.
Winter is special. It can be very giving, and wondrously harsh. That's a hell of a lot more fun than the status quo.
Just think about how great your life is going to be once you stop spending six months pining for the other six.
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